One day at a time

Everything is still going fine with little man. He's full force in love with us and tells us daily that he wants us to be his parents. I just found out today that his caseworker is going to file for termination of his mom's parental rights on December 1st. His birthday is December 4th. We've had him now for just over 3 months. What will happen? One day at a time is all I keep telling myself.

An Elephant Sized Burden?

Last weekend I had Little Man to myself. Husband went to the front range for a football game. I welcomed the opportunity to bond and form a closer relationship with our guy. We had several adventures and just an all around good ol' wholesome time together. I loved it! Farmers markets, crafts, garage sales, old family movies and pumpkin carving all led to my cutie pie telling me that he loved me as big as an elephant and that he wished I was his mom. Sigh. Poor guy. What will become of him? I don't know, but I now shutter at the thought of this all coming to an end.
As far as social services is concerned, it's not coming to an end soon. His mom is not proving that she is mentally capable of parenting. She's coming to the vists, but she's not doing the work. They don't think she can.
Husband told me yesterday that he sees LIttle Man as a burden. He's not enjoying it like he wishes he was. That saddens me. But, that's all he said. He didn't say he wanted to quit or anything. I don't think we have a "situation" yet. But it's something I'll be keeping an eye on. I hope Little Man isn't our last foster kid.

Here We Go!

I'm starting to fall love. I'm not sure. It doesn't really matter anyways, the label you put on it. If he left tommorrow I'd be sad. Way sad. I look forward to seeing him after school, in the morning when he wakes up, what we will do on the weekend. It's all an adventure with that little guy. He lights everything up. Last weekend we went to the zoo and a waterpark. He'd never been to either. To experience it all through his perspective, it's priceless.
The visit schedule with mom has changed. He sees her 4-6pm on Tuesday, at lunch on Friday and Sunday 4-6pm. Any day there isnt' a visit he has to call her for 15 mins at night. He loves his visits with his mom and still says he wants to go home but those statements are less frequent. It's also hard to get him to talk to her for the entire 15 minutes on the phone. She keeps telling him he'll be coming home "soon" and we keep reassuring him that he'll be with us in the winter time. It's important that he know that, because it's the truth.

Adjustments

When I decided to look into fostering I looked for blogs like this to read about other people's experience. I found many that started and never continued. Now I know why. When do I have time to blog now that I'm a parent?
We've had little man for 2 1/2 weeks and it's been great. He's a wonderful child and very well adjusted to his situation and our home. He's not had a single temper tantrum, let alone even cried. We rarely have to ask him twice to do something or stop doing something. I often joke that he's a little practice "robot" that they give to new foster parents that have never had a child in the home so that they can adjust. Ha! He's so well mannered. I can't believe it. I do realize that he may be afraid to make us mad, so we are keeping an eye on that, but I really do think he's just a good kid in general.
It is still difficult at times, but just for all the normal reasons. We get free day care from 7:30 to 5:30 M-F if we need it but even then those 3 hours he is home before going to bed, wow, they consume you!
He hasn't cried for his mom. Once in a while he'll say that his mom lets him do whatever he wants and I empathetically say, "I know". Because that's what my parenting books tell me to say. If I haven't mentioned them before, Love and Logic and Screamfree Parenting are the books we go by and the techniques work like magic. I bet the reason we've not had too many problems is because we started right off the bat with the techinques they teach.
Back to being a mom...

We Got Him!

On Wednesday they asked us if we would take Little Man. We said yes and got him on Friday! Now it's Monday and everything is going great! More later...

Anybody There?

I don't have any news. Husband and I are both done with our first year of training. Just waiting for the call that they have a child for us. I heard that Little Man might come back around because his kin is maybe moving away. But, they need someone who can take him and his older brother both. We're just not ready for that. I could be talked into it but I don't think Husband could and I don't think it's wise for me to try and do that.
Well, ya, like I said, no news. But I thought, just in case anyone was wondering...

Hurry Up and Wait

Yesterday was our last homestudy session. There were 3 in total, lasting 2 hours each. The only thing we had to do was get plug covers and make sure chemicals and medicine was either out of reach or locked up.
When they left they said we were pre-certified which means we are legally able to foster, so now we just wait for the call. We still have some training to do. Here's where we're at now:

To be pre-certified:
12 hour CORE training Husband and I both done
15 hours of "other training". Our county has several training opportunities for these hours such as reading books and newsletters, attending potlucks and other miscellaneous parenting classes. Lealyn done. Ant needs about 5.
Homestudy Done
1st aid and CPR certification Ant and Lealyn both done


Then you need 20 hrs of training your first year totalling 47 hours. I need 5. Husband needs 25.

I learned yesterday that Husband is really concerned and scared. But he's not showing any signs of wanting to back out. He just worries about having a child and getting attached and having to give them back. That's an understandable fear for sure. I'm not worried about that too much myself. Maybe I'm not being realistic. But I"m focusing more on the experience we will have. I'm just so eager to help that I don't care if it's not forever. I look forward to what's to come. It will all work out and it will all be beautiful.

I don't think we are getting the little man. I feel sad. I wasn't excited about being rushed, but I did have my heart set on this little boy and so that will take some getting over. Everyone talks about what a great kid he is. We just had our 2nd home study session and they made it sound like his kin situation is working out better than they thought it would. That's good, I hope, for him.
I ordered two parenting books yesterday and will hopefully learn alot there. I'm going garage saleing again tomorrow and hope to get some more good stuff for the kids room
I had an idea for Husband and I to start talking about how we would have done things if we had had a kid that day. Like yesterday, it was crazy, we were both super busy with work. How would a kid have worked into the mix? I know things will have a way of working themselves out, but it woudn't hurt to think about those things now so that they don't come as such a shock when the real thing hits.

Getting Ready

Well, Husband and I made the official decision to become foster parents the other day. We had always said we would wait until after the CORE training to officially decide and about 3 days after training I realized we hadn't discussed the finality of it. So I asked him what he thought and he said, "Let's do it!"
So I went garage saleing yesterday and now we have 16 books, a puppet, a stuffed animal and 2 bouncy balls! It's going to be fun getting this room ready!

CORE complete!

We just got home from Denver where we took our CORE foster parent training. It was 12hours and it's supposed to cover the basics to get you ready for fostering. CORE training is offered almost everywhere and I don't exactly recommend taking it at the Lowry Family Center in Denver. The trainers were kind and passionate people but I really don't feel as prepared after the training as I thought I would. They covered many "emotional" basics which I am grateful for. But, they really strayed too far away from the course material and did not cover enough of the factual, step by step information. Maybe they've been doing this a long time and they have learned that the emotional stuff is much more valuable and the other stuff you will figure out when it actually happens and/or when you read your manual.
Thankfully I did walk away with a manual (full of typos and misspellings) that I can read and get up to speed on my own. But I do feel that those trainers need to get back on track. They told way too many personal stories, which got us behind and then they even cut the class an hour early. I wrote them an honest evaluation and left it at that.
On a more postive note, the people there for the training were really diverse and it was interesting to hear why they were getting into fostering. I was happy to hear that all ages of kids were "wanted", even teenagers and kids with special needs! There was one single lady there that only wanted kids aged 16-18! Wow! And one guy who had already been placed with a deaf girl. It really was inspiring and I was quite relieved to see that not everyone wanted the same easy age group we did.
Now to wait and see if we hear anything about little man this week...

Sad But Relieved

Our homestudy went great. I was surprised at how little they inspected the house. The only place they really wanted to look at was the room the child would be using and even then they just poked their heads in. I mean, they came into the house and saw that it was clean and big enough and we have a fenced in yard, etc, etc, but there wasn't the "inspection" that I was anticipating. The only things we need to "correct" was getting plug covers and a CO2 detector. So, that was easy enough.

Then we sat down with them and they asked us loads of questions about our personal life. Which I didn't mind one bit. I actually like answering questions about myself. But they were the same questions that were on the questionaire that we turned in early in the year. Remember that packet that I said took me an hour and a half to fill out? All over again. So, that seemed redundant. And we were scheduled for 2-4pm and it went until 4:30 and when we still were not finished we ended up scheduling another visit for next week.

The sad part is that when the subject of the little man came up they said he was with family and they might need us but maybe not. I asked, "What's the chance we'll need to take him?" They said they couldn't say. The kinship situation didn't seem like it would be long term but, "You never know". I can accept that answer and after sleeping on it, I'm happy with that answer. It means that we can go to training and have time to think about all this instead of coming home and having to decide right away. This isn't something you want to rush into, even though I was wholeheartly ready to jump in with both feet.

After we talked about little man they began to tell me about a new case that just came up. A four year old girl. They made me realize that we are definitely needed. And if it's not little man it will be someone else. I'm happy with whatever happens.

Life Backflip!

I've been busy! Right after my last post I got to do something VERY special. I hitched a ride with my caseworker as she piked up the little man from day care and delivered him to kindergarten. He's adorable, sweet, outgoing, polite... and when we dropped him off he asked, "Are you bringing that girl?" This was after she told him she's pick him up at 3. Cute! I had the opportunity to do this because my job is over in the Health and Human Services Department. I feel really lucky to have that connection through all of this. Otherwise, I'd probably be more in the dark about this boy than I am. I do know some details about him and his family, which I won't post here. Usually foster parents know very little about the family, at least that's the impression I get from other foster parents.
I've accomplished a lot in the past few days. Our guest bedroom/office has been cleared out. We decided it should be empty of any of our belongings so that the child really feels that it is their space. It's funny, we have no kid stuff though. Save for one childrens book called Thunder Cake. I don't even know what it's about but I put it in there.
I completed my first aid, which by the way you can do online at www.onlineaha.org. They do CPR too but I'm already certified. After the online test you do have to go to EMS and show them some skills you learned to get your actual card. Anthony's getting certified tonight because he prefers a real live class.
Our home study is scheduled for this Wednesday 2-4pm and they gave us the home study checklist so we could be as prepared as possible. It's amazing what they have to put on there... child must have a bed that is in a room not being used for other purposes (ie, kitchen, bathroom), home must have refridgeration, etc. So, somethings were no brainers but we did have to write up a family emergency plan. And of course there are lots of things we just want to do, to get ready.
Last but not least, our 12 hours of CORE training are this weekend. Then we'll be what they called pre-certified. Which means we can foster even though we aren't quite done yet. Then we might take in little man. Then my life will do a backflip.

Be careful what you wish for!

Husband and I just got back from our camping trip and when I checked my messages we had a message from our caseworker. "I'd like to talk to you about a possible placement."
Wow. The last thing I have time to do right now is write a blog but I am so dang excited and hopeful I just had to blurt it out here! He's 6 years old and I'm going to meet him today. We're getting our core training done next weekend and their going to expedite our home study for this week. I'm not saying we are for sure going to do this. But the possibility is there. Crazy!

But I'm a Saint!

Everybody acts like I'm a saint when I tell them I want to foster. I guess it's not a total stretch because it's a job that most people won't do and it has the potential to save a person's life. But I really don't think it will be that bad. I mean, I myself plan to enjoy it. So.... I can't say it would be the most unselfish thing I will ever do. What I'm trying to say is that I'm doing it for ME, as much as I'm doing it for the kids. But, it IS nice, the way people respond. The attitudes they've had towards my news have been so encouraging and supportive... until now.
I was recently at a dance party when a small child showed up on the dance floor. This lady that I know turns to me and says, "When are you and Husband gonna have kids?"
Smiling ear to ear I replied, "We are actually going through the process of becoming foster parents!"
Waiting for the ususal, "Oh that is so wonderful! You guys will be great at that!", instead I got this response: "WHAT, CAN YOU NOT GET PREGNANT?"
Trying to keep this awkward question from phasing me, I joked, "We're not even sure if we want to have kids, so were just gonna test them out!"
She then proceeded to school me on how fostering is NOT the same as having your own children and asked me to promise her that I would not use my experience fostering to decide whether or not to have biological children.
How rude. That's all I have to say.

Not So Fast

For anyone considering fostering in the state of Colorado here are the training requirements per my caseworker. I'm posting them here to help others but also to give myself a quick reference. I did get some good news the other day. The 18 hours of training I took for my new NPP position counts towards my foster care training. Yippee!

The first training that is required by the State is CORE training. That is 12 hrs. To get your pre-certification, you need CORE plus 15 hrs of training. (Such as the training on Parenting Strategies for Challenging Children by the Butler Institute that is coming to Gunnison in April) 12+15=27 hrs of training out of the way.

So, once you have had 12 hrs of state sponsored CORE training and 15 hrs of county training, such as through the pot lucks, and any other scheduled trainings, you will have your precertification.

For the first 3 months of your license, that is the only required training other than 1st aid and CPR. Unfortunately, we are not allowed to count CPR and 1st Aid for their hours the first year of certification. We can in consecutive years, but for some reason, they dont let us the first year.

After that, you need 20 hrs of training your first year. So, the first year is pretty intense, because you actually need 47 hours of training. 6 of that comes from reading our Policies and Procedures Manual, on your own time. So, we make it happen, but it is a lot of hours.

So we have our Core training planned for April in Denver. I'm pretty sure that we'll be precertified by summer but my caseworker tells me there aren't any local kids waiting for a foster home right now. Things could change and we could get placed right away or it could be several months. I don't want to rush anything, but I really hope we get to do it sooner than later.

Still Standing

In my quest for knowledge about what it's like to be a foster parent I've read several times that dealing with case workers can be a pain. Not because they aren't wonderful, hardworking people but because they are overworked and underpaid. Foster parents claim that their caseworkers are difficult to get ahold of and there's lots of turn over. I'm getting a taste of that problem already.

We've had our application paperwork in for over a month now and were just waiting patiently for our homestudy since our caseworker told us that was the next order of business. I got antsy the other day and so I sent an email to my caseworker and now she tells me I have to do training before I can do the homestudy. She apologized and explained that she is so swamped that I slipped through the cracks.

That really makes me sad because I've been waiting around for a long time and if I had I known that I would have already completed my training by now. My caseworker is one of 2 in my county. There are supposed to be four. It's really sad that there are people like me who are eager to foster but are delayed by lack of funding for caseworkers.

So, I've registered for the next training which isn't until April 23rd. Which by the way is free and they pay your hotel and mileage. That was good news at least! Then we'll do the homestudy and then hopefully shorly after we'll be placed with a child. Both Husband and I are really eager to start this new adventure.

Interesting development

So, our application is still at a stand still as we wait for a caseworker to set up a home study. Nothing to report there. But, I just got a part time job as the coordinator of the Nurturing Parent Program in which I will work with some families who are facing losing their kids. It's a class that is taught weekly and it's a mix of self refered parents and court appointed. So it's interesting to think how these too things will intersect. But anyways I'm really looking forward to putting my husband and new foster child in the class as soon as we get one. It will be so good for us as a new family to have a class like this. It's such a great thing to have in our community. I hope I can do a good service for it and all the families involved.

Waiting...

So far we've got everything turned in except Husband's health report. And I did receive an email from our caseworker that she has started processing everything we turned in. I'm not sure what the next step is. I know they will need to come and check out our home. Then we will need to start training. I hope something happens soon. I'm getting really excited and hopeful about this new adventure!

Paperwork, Fingerprints, Shots!

I received a big fat packet in the mail from Social Services a few days ago and boy did I have a lot of work to do! The questionaire took me 1 1/2 hours to complete and we each had to fill one out of our own! Then we had to do fingerprints, get the animals all vacinated and get a health examination for ourselves. We've got to wait on those doctors appointments or else we'd have it turned back in already. Now that I think about it... I wonder if it would help them if we turned in what we had so far. I bet it would, so I'll see if I can go do that now!