Friday, April 29, 2011

An orphan

Little Man is an orphan. About a month ago, his mother's parental rights were terminated. Dad's too, but he's hardly worth mentioning since he didn't even try to step up for the little guy. Mom tried. She came to the visits, she tried to get her life together, somewhat. The problem was that the areas where she really needed to change, she didn't see what "the big deal was". She still is involved with a very bad man who beat her and had a child abuse record.
Anyways... the termination hearing lasted 2 full days. The judge ruled a week later that rights were terminated. Wow. I knew it could happen, and that it probably should, but it seemed so harsh. The calls had to stop, the visits ceased. No contact. Suddenly. About 3 weeks later he and his brother had a final visit with mom. And that's it. Now he's up for adoption and it will be up to his adoptive parents to decide how the relationship will work between them. Human services is going to try really hard to keep the boys together and they think they will be able to.
Just recently Little Man started trying to call me Mom. He'll say, "I'm going to call you mom now". But then he'll forget and call me by my name. He's been crying alot lately. Missing his mother, not understanding the ruling. How could he understand? And all I can say to him is that he'll understand when he's older... that everyone just cares about him so much, they want him to be super safe. That he's just that special. But what do you say? It sucks to see a boy cry for his mother.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

The Good, The Bad... The Ugly

I'm feeling frustrated with the system and so I'm just going to list a few things that aren't so fun about fostering...
1. We've had Little Man for 7 months and the visitation schedule has changed roughly 5 times. When it changes, it does so immediately. Not only is it hard for us to adjust, the poor little guy never gets to be comfortable in a routine, which is so important for his emotional health. The current schedule for him is: Visit with mom after school for one hour every other Monday, one hour visit with mom at library after school every Tuesday there isn't a visit on Monday, one hour after school Wednesday visit with mom and brother at DHS then 3 hours with his Partner, Thursday Family therapy after school for 1/2 hour, one hour mental health appointment varying times once a week (sometimes during school hours) and Friday through Sunday off. Doesn't anybody besides us see this as TOO MUCH for a 7 year old? When do we eat dinner, do homework, relax, have fun? Sheesh. We entered him in the school's talent show and he missed 5 out of 7 practices because of this schedule. Where's the normalcy?
2. We aren't allowed to take him on a vacation if it means he will miss a visit with him mom. So far this has meant that he missed out on going with us to New Jersey and Michigan. Not the most exciting places, but it would have been fun for him to take a trip with us. Again, normalcy?
3. Often times, as foster parents, we are treated as though we don't matter one bit. Phone calls to case workers are not returned, opinions are asked but not given much thought to and teachers complain about the flip flop schedule without considering how hard it is on us.
4. We get only $11 a day and $88 a year for clothes. Unless you are a bad parent, this doesn't cover all the expenses.

The only good side to all of this is the Little Man. He's an angel and I love him. I'd do it all again in a heartbeat for him.