Friday, April 29, 2011

An orphan

Little Man is an orphan. About a month ago, his mother's parental rights were terminated. Dad's too, but he's hardly worth mentioning since he didn't even try to step up for the little guy. Mom tried. She came to the visits, she tried to get her life together, somewhat. The problem was that the areas where she really needed to change, she didn't see what "the big deal was". She still is involved with a very bad man who beat her and had a child abuse record.
Anyways... the termination hearing lasted 2 full days. The judge ruled a week later that rights were terminated. Wow. I knew it could happen, and that it probably should, but it seemed so harsh. The calls had to stop, the visits ceased. No contact. Suddenly. About 3 weeks later he and his brother had a final visit with mom. And that's it. Now he's up for adoption and it will be up to his adoptive parents to decide how the relationship will work between them. Human services is going to try really hard to keep the boys together and they think they will be able to.
Just recently Little Man started trying to call me Mom. He'll say, "I'm going to call you mom now". But then he'll forget and call me by my name. He's been crying alot lately. Missing his mother, not understanding the ruling. How could he understand? And all I can say to him is that he'll understand when he's older... that everyone just cares about him so much, they want him to be super safe. That he's just that special. But what do you say? It sucks to see a boy cry for his mother.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

The Good, The Bad... The Ugly

I'm feeling frustrated with the system and so I'm just going to list a few things that aren't so fun about fostering...
1. We've had Little Man for 7 months and the visitation schedule has changed roughly 5 times. When it changes, it does so immediately. Not only is it hard for us to adjust, the poor little guy never gets to be comfortable in a routine, which is so important for his emotional health. The current schedule for him is: Visit with mom after school for one hour every other Monday, one hour visit with mom at library after school every Tuesday there isn't a visit on Monday, one hour after school Wednesday visit with mom and brother at DHS then 3 hours with his Partner, Thursday Family therapy after school for 1/2 hour, one hour mental health appointment varying times once a week (sometimes during school hours) and Friday through Sunday off. Doesn't anybody besides us see this as TOO MUCH for a 7 year old? When do we eat dinner, do homework, relax, have fun? Sheesh. We entered him in the school's talent show and he missed 5 out of 7 practices because of this schedule. Where's the normalcy?
2. We aren't allowed to take him on a vacation if it means he will miss a visit with him mom. So far this has meant that he missed out on going with us to New Jersey and Michigan. Not the most exciting places, but it would have been fun for him to take a trip with us. Again, normalcy?
3. Often times, as foster parents, we are treated as though we don't matter one bit. Phone calls to case workers are not returned, opinions are asked but not given much thought to and teachers complain about the flip flop schedule without considering how hard it is on us.
4. We get only $11 a day and $88 a year for clothes. Unless you are a bad parent, this doesn't cover all the expenses.

The only good side to all of this is the Little Man. He's an angel and I love him. I'd do it all again in a heartbeat for him.

Monday, November 1, 2010

One day at a time

Everything is still going fine with little man. He's full force in love with us and tells us daily that he wants us to be his parents. I just found out today that his caseworker is going to file for termination of his mom's parental rights on December 1st. His birthday is December 4th. We've had him now for just over 3 months. What will happen? One day at a time is all I keep telling myself.

Friday, October 8, 2010

An Elephant Sized Burden?

Last weekend I had Little Man to myself. Husband went to the front range for a football game. I welcomed the opportunity to bond and form a closer relationship with our guy. We had several adventures and just an all around good ol' wholesome time together. I loved it! Farmers markets, crafts, garage sales, old family movies and pumpkin carving all led to my cutie pie telling me that he loved me as big as an elephant and that he wished I was his mom. Sigh. Poor guy. What will become of him? I don't know, but I now shutter at the thought of this all coming to an end.
As far as social services is concerned, it's not coming to an end soon. His mom is not proving that she is mentally capable of parenting. She's coming to the vists, but she's not doing the work. They don't think she can.
Husband told me yesterday that he sees LIttle Man as a burden. He's not enjoying it like he wishes he was. That saddens me. But, that's all he said. He didn't say he wanted to quit or anything. I don't think we have a "situation" yet. But it's something I'll be keeping an eye on. I hope Little Man isn't our last foster kid.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Here We Go!

I'm starting to fall love. I'm not sure. It doesn't really matter anyways, the label you put on it. If he left tommorrow I'd be sad. Way sad. I look forward to seeing him after school, in the morning when he wakes up, what we will do on the weekend. It's all an adventure with that little guy. He lights everything up. Last weekend we went to the zoo and a waterpark. He'd never been to either. To experience it all through his perspective, it's priceless.
The visit schedule with mom has changed. He sees her 4-6pm on Tuesday, at lunch on Friday and Sunday 4-6pm. Any day there isnt' a visit he has to call her for 15 mins at night. He loves his visits with his mom and still says he wants to go home but those statements are less frequent. It's also hard to get him to talk to her for the entire 15 minutes on the phone. She keeps telling him he'll be coming home "soon" and we keep reassuring him that he'll be with us in the winter time. It's important that he know that, because it's the truth.

Monday, August 9, 2010


When I decided to look into fostering I looked for blogs like this to read about other people's experience. I found many that started and never continued. Now I know why. When do I have time to blog now that I'm a parent?
We've had little man for 2 1/2 weeks and it's been great. He's a wonderful child and very well adjusted to his situation and our home. He's not had a single temper tantrum, let alone even cried. We rarely have to ask him twice to do something or stop doing something. I often joke that he's a little practice "robot" that they give to new foster parents that have never had a child in the home so that they can adjust. Ha! He's so well mannered. I can't believe it. I do realize that he may be afraid to make us mad, so we are keeping an eye on that, but I really do think he's just a good kid in general.
It is still difficult at times, but just for all the normal reasons. We get free day care from 7:30 to 5:30 M-F if we need it but even then those 3 hours he is home before going to bed, wow, they consume you!
He hasn't cried for his mom. Once in a while he'll say that his mom lets him do whatever he wants and I empathetically say, "I know". Because that's what my parenting books tell me to say. If I haven't mentioned them before, Love and Logic and Screamfree Parenting are the books we go by and the techniques work like magic. I bet the reason we've not had too many problems is because we started right off the bat with the techinques they teach.
Back to being a mom...

Monday, July 26, 2010

We Got Him!

On Wednesday they asked us if we would take Little Man. We said yes and got him on Friday! Now it's Monday and everything is going great! More later...